Seeing Double

I have a visual condition called strabismus. The musculature around my eyes is off kilter; each eye acts independently of the other.

I was that little kid with the eyes that wandered. I used one eye at a time. My parents found an eye doctor who slapped glasses on my face to hide what they viewed as a deformity. The glasses only exacerbated the condition.

My childhood was a world of shifting horizons and repetitive patterns. Depth was deceitful. Horizons blurred. Finally, at age eleven, a miracle occurred. My parents found a surgeon who could tighten those rebellious muscles. Suddenly my world was clear. I could balance on a fence, hit a ball with a bat, do a cartwheel. That remedy held firm until my mid fifties, when I began experiencing the world as if terminally hung-over. When my eyes were very tired, I saw double. So finally, at age sixty-two, I had another strabismus surgery. The days following that procedure were revelatory.

Do you know what happens when the eyes are repositioned and resecured in your head, even a fraction of a millimeter? For a day, I saw side-by-side images of my surroundings. By the second day, the images tilted into each other, colliding at odd angles. The intersections blurred. My brain was rewiring itself, processing this new input, making it whole again. The third day was an impressionistic scramble as the images collided until finally, the next day, I was seeing singly again. I even had depth perception. The surgeon said I was remarkable – rarely does a second strabismus surgery end so successfully.

Here’s the catch: I also had a cataract. I had been advised to have my repeat strabismus surgery before having my cataracts removed. I waited two years after the second strabismus surgery for the cataract surgery. No one told me that a possible outcome of cataract surgery was strabismus. Guess what? The remarkable work of my second strabismus surgery was undone by the cataract surgeon. My cataract is gone, but I now spend my days negotiating two images again, which means looking at the world one eye at a time. Sometimes seeing double.

Perhaps that’s why I enjoy painting reflections. Nature naively reflected on water has become my favorite subject.

Based on a photo taken in Oxford, England, 2019, by Mary Louise Hill

Nature isn’t narcissistic: its duplicated beauty is enhanced because it lacks self-consciousness. The double images produced are as pleasing as a palindrome.

Jezioro (Lake) Czarny Bryńsk, Poland. Based on a photo found at either Przystanek Górzno or Orędownik Wielkiego Lasu (Facebook pages)

Tipped sideways, reflected nature produces abstraction.

Given the right canvas, nature can reflect itself doubly:

Jezioro Lidzbarkskie, Poland. From a photo found at Przystanek Lidzbark (Facebook page)

Is it simply the natural duplication of beauty that we revel in? Or is it something more? Does nature’s reflection of itself hint at a more expansive patterning that human vision can’t perceive?

Process Paintings, Continued

A recent collection of the process paintings that have helped me imagine the world of my the novel,The Double Souled Son. (This book has also been marketed as The Polish Assassin.) It begins in a Prussian occupied Polish village, in 1861. Earlier paintings can be found at “Process Paintings” in 2021.

Unless otherwise marked, these paintings are based on photographs taken at the Museum of Folks Architecture, Olsztynek, Warmia and Masuria, Poland.

Interiors

The protagonist becomes a wheelwright:

Gypsy Cart At Standstill. (based on a 1984 image from Jerzy Ficowski’s The Gypsy In Poland: History and Customs.

Exteriors

(The following painting is based on a photo taken on the grounds of the Myśleta Pałac Spa and Hotel in Uzdowo, Poland.)

In 2022, I found this cottage in Czarny Bryńsk, Poland advertised on Air B&B, and I screen-shot a photo of it. Over half of The Polish Assassin (formerly titled The Double Souled Son) takes place in a cottage in Czarny Bryńs. I imagined it to look like this one. (I found this listing several years after I created my setting.) Maybe I’ll get to stay here some day. Maybe not. It’s not on Air B&B anymore. So I guess I’ll have to settle for painting it.

Gus, my resident art critic